Date night yesterday was awesome: Watched Bryan Cranston (Heisenberg!) kill it as LBJ on Broadway, then strolled late night to the gorgeous Faberge egg display @ Rockefeller Center. Highly recommend both!
Ten Parenting Strategies for Raising Kids Who Care
(Thoughts from Harvard family psychologist & dad Richard Weissbourd, fwded to me by my sister)
1. Instead of telling your children, “The most important thing is that you are happy,” tell them, “The most important thing is that you are kind, and that you are responsible for others.”
2. Help your children appreciate others. For instance:
- Don’t let them treat a store clerk, waitress, or babysitters as if invisible.
- Don’t let your child quit a sports team or school chorus without thinking carefully with them about what it means for the group.
- Don’t let your child simply write off friends he or she finds annoying, or fail to return phone calls from friends or to give other children credit for their achievements.
- Expect your child to help around the house, and to be helpful to neighbors.
3. Expect your children to appreciate you—their relationship with you will be a primary model for their other relationships. That doesn’t mean making yourself the focus. It means not allowing your children to treat you as a doormat, and expecting them to express some modicum of interest about major events in your life and to thank you for your generosity.
4. Don’t focus directly and narrowly on developing your child’s happiness and self-esteem. Instead, support your child’s developing maturity. Maturity, including the ability to manage destructive feelings, to balance and coordinate our needs with others, to empathize, to receive feedback constructively, to be reflective, and to adjust our behavior, is at the heart of both morality and lasting well-being.
5. While it’s important to help children understand and articulate their feelings, be wary of pointing out children’s feelings too frequently or drawing a lot of attention to passing emotional states. Doing these things can cause children to dramatize their feelings, and to make their own feelings too precious.
6. Praise your children for specific accomplishments and occasionally tell them how great they are. But avoid constant praising. When children are praised all the time, they can feel judged all the time. Children may feel patronized by unearned praise. And too much global praise—constantly saying “You’re terrific”—can make children feel that their essential value is on the line in everything they do, causing them to inflate their importance, taking either too much credit or too much blame.
7. Don’t make high achievement the goal of a life. Too much achievement pressure can diminish children’s sense of self, make them less able to care for others, and more likely to experience others primarily as competitors and threats. Make achievement one theme in the large composition of a life. Sort out your own feelings about achievement and status so you don’t send mixed messages or appear hypocritical to children, undermining your authority.
8. Help your child register kindness and unkindness, justice and injustice in the world. Listen carefully, without quickly judging, to your child’s moral questions and dilemmas. Express your own values, and connect them to your child’s experiences and interpretations.
9. Don’t seek to be your child’s friend. You can be very close to your child in many ways, but it’s vital that children experience you as an authority, that they idealize you at certain points in their development and see you as someone they want to emulate. Children come to appreciate others as independent and distinct when we appreciate them as distinct.
10. Invite people you are close to and respect to give you feedback about your parenting. When your first child is born, develop a contract with at least two other parents, a promise that they will tell you if they think you are harming your child’s moral or emotional development in any way.
Lip Balms: Best of the Best
Wintry days (like today) bring scaly, crackly lips;
here are your perfect remedies!
- Eve Lom Kiss Mix Lip Balm - hard core, leave on overnight for kissable perfection.
- Dior Addict Lip Glow Color Reviver Lip Balm - smoothes over any cracks immediately & brings out your “natural lip color.” Love the slight rosy glow & the quick fix appeal.
- Nuxe Reve de Miel Lip Balm - Best trait: mega moisturizing, but not sticky at all! Allows me to still steal smooches from Husby (v. the Eve Lom, which is super goopy but super restorative).
- Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment- love the color palette (I believe I own all of them). Great for work or play.
Neutral leathers with a stroke of metallic genius -
Hello Daily Wear.
(Both pairs on Shopbop, 25% off with code INTHEFAMILY14)
Ancient Greek Kiveli Demi Wedge Sandals (Handmade in Greece)
Wore my new J Crew espadrille flats all weekend bopping round the city with Baby Girl… Love them. 25 percent off at jcrew.com today with code FACEBOOK25.
usually abhor overalls on grownups
but if you’re gonna go there…
this is how to do it.
Photo via Fancy
madly inspired by these stunning gowns
for upcoming spring formals:
On Sex. And Women. And Sexy Women.
I wholeheartedly believe that mothers, grandmothers & non-moms alike have every right to dress in outrageous ways that make them feel sexy.
Herve Leger @ 60? Botox @ 30?
If it sexes you up, then get it, girl… or grandma. Seriously.
Sexiness shan’t be a state reserved for Kate Upton & Maxim models; it’s a state of mind & body deserved (and I believe, achievable) by all women regardless of size, shape, or perceived beauty.
This message applies to my daughter. Once she’s all grown, I very much want her to feel sexy - no matter society’s messaging on the confines of beauty.
of paramount importance to me,
is that I raise her with tools to offer the world more, to contribute to society in a real, tangible way beyond … just sex.
And therein lies my problem, my huge, elephantine problem, with the Kardashian Klan.
It’s not that they value sexiness,
it’s that they’ve reduced women to
And only sex.
Their Great American Dream is that sex tapes are the key to billionairedom;
that boobjobs at 16 (Kourtney & Kylie & probably Kim?) transition girls into women.
This photo of the Kardashian matriarch encapsulates it all,
how they’ve taken the Great American Woman in all her brilliance, strength, creativity and sexiness
and reduced her
to a vagina.
And this message, I hope my daughter learns quickly, does not apply to her.
5 Spring Daily Obsessions.
I frequently post my OMGs on this blog; but I admit - they’re not always the most practical…
Amazeballs - yes (obvi); but for day-to-day? Debatable.
I’m so over being weighed down by winter… by heavy coats, bulky scarves & cumbersome, multi-step makeup. To combat this season’s epic dryness, I layer thick moisturizer under foundation then splash on bronzing oil.
It’s just too much!
All I want these days is to strip down to the barest threads allowed by nature (No More Shearling, Down or Fur Please), and the same goes for makeup.
Enter the holy grail of foundation: a dewy dreamy cream that packs all I want into a single step. It’s moisturizing enough to skip the La Mer, its coverage is buildable, and the illuminating shimmer fakes a beautiful, bronzy color.
Sure sign I’m a mama? My collection of flats has exploded. These jellies are ridonkeykong comfortable and almost weightless. I scored ‘em in neon coral (on sale here for $55), but I’m totally jelly of my sister’s bronze and navy pairs (she’s the uptown to my downtown). The darker colors mask the jelly look; her pairs truly look like chic, woven city flats.
Purple eyeliner, blue mascara, pink eyeshadow…
In my twenties, I doused my face in peacock colors every single day.
Now in my thirties, the crazy nutjob face painting is reserved for 80’s theme parties; for daily wear, I’m far more interested in looking fresh & bright. On sleepless baby nights? I’ll settle for looking alive.
After a few years off exploring coral & tangerine lips, I’ve returned to an original love: FRESH lips. So perfect for work when a shocking lip is too much, and when lipgloss just feels icky. These treatments add a rosy splash of healthy color and a mega dose of moisture.
4) Dunkin Donuts Ice cream flavored ice coffees
Ice coffee that tastes like your favorite melted ice cream - need I explain why I down a large every morn?
The perfect pale pink that feels like spring!! Neutral enough to feel classy, pink enough to feel feminine, just bright enough to feel not-boring. I’m obsessed.
Hopefully one of the last nights this season of wearing this beautiful coat #ihavelovedyoubutitstimetoletyougo #dvf
There’s really nothing better than fancy lunch dates with Husby. #iadorehim Plus, sitting next to the Washington Wizards & watching them hoover plate after plate makes me feel so oddly dainty and non-moopigish (at Koi SoHo)
I received a sweet email requesting a list of “good eats” in NYC that aren’t overhyped or tough to reserve. Composing the perfect, thorough response will take me years (but I’m working on it)… so in the meantime, I’m sharing my weekend of eats - all of which were delicious & lovely & utterly manageable:
Thursday date night @ Hirohisa. Every aspect of this 10 course Japanese meal was perfection; so much so that Husby wants it on his weekly calendar. I can’t even isolate a particular dish, as the precision of each blew us away. This, is a thoughtful meal. Bonus - the evening was arranged by our friends over @ ACE, and 10% of our meal went to their awesome charity.
Friday night in-home fiesta of Popeye’s!!! I imagine this is not what the reader had in mind - but in my book, their spicy dark chicken remains the best ever… reigning supreme above all the fancy crap in the city (Dutch, Butterfly, Blue Ribbon). Followed by a fat slice of Eileen’s Cheesecake, this is a legendary moopig meal.
Saturday morning brunch @ Isola (inside the Mondrian Soho). My Eggs Al Forno were over-the-top orgasmic, filled with juicy bits of pork belly, crunchy kale & homemade tomato sauce. But no dish, life-changing or not, could possibly compete with the room itself - you feel like you’re dining outdoors in an LA secret garden, even when it’s 40 degrees and rainy! The room is just so stunning and bright, it’s the perfect spot for a weekend get-together.
Big family dinner @ Miss Korea on 32nd Street. We reserved a private room on the 2nd floor, allowing Baby Girl to roam freely without getting burned by steaming pots & BBQ grills (a hazard of most Korean restaurants). But beyond comfort, their food is absolutely delicious; their “Clay Pot Galbi” = one of the best in Ktown.
Afterwards, we hopped ‘cross the way to Grace Street, where I inhaled incredibly addicting ice cream with hodduk (hot Korean donuts filled with cinnamon and walnuts). Plates were meant to be shared, but I polished one off myself (shocking to no one, but whoops!)
Sunday morning, Husby & I trekked way way way east to the nether regions of LES/Chinatown. We popped into the minuscule but beyond delightful Dimes, where I begged to buy their homemade hot sauce (sadly, was declined). The breakfast sandwich, fresh juice & acai bowls were fantastic.
After zigzagging through overcrowded Chinatown supermarkets picking up random treats (Husby is a fearless explorer); Baby Girl + I popped uptown for a lunch date @ Zucchero E Pomodori…
and I thought the Upper East Side had no good food!!! Our homemade pastas were divine, and the fried calamari was so good we ordered double. Fully recommend.
After a quick stop @ Swirl Whirl Yogurt Buffet for Cake Batter Ice Cream topped with Circus Animal Cookies, we reunited with Husby back downtown for dinner at one of our Tribeca favorites: Petrarca. I love this place so much, I’ve been known to eat multiple meals here in one day. An unassuming local joint with delicious homemade pastas and a killer wine list, Petrarca has not once, ever let me down. The orechiette is Husby’s fave; the Carbonara is mine.
A tub of Ben & Jerry’s Truffle Trifecta ice cream in my pajamas at home, and that was it for Weekend Eats.
Now for this week… really looking forward to a big group tasting dinner @ Han Dynasty with dear friends!
Everyone seems so uncomfortable with Gwyneth Paltrow’s
Conscious Uncoupling manifesto.
As for me?
I’m more discomforted by the overwhelming criticism directed at her family’s choices.
So What If You think it’s honky or wonky or stupid or pompous; it’s one family’s attempt to navigate the impossible… one couple’s way of mitigating the trauma & damage that their choices inflict upon their children.
Not the way you would do it?
Well, good for you. Show us how to do it better…
because all I’ve seen is pain in the unraveling families around me.
my defense of Gwyneth ends there.
In a recent interview for E! she lamented how much harder it is to be a movie star mom than a “normal working mom.” With a comparative premise like that, she totally deserves phenomenal responses like this: